The article which follows is a paper presented by Rev. denHartog at the Classis West Officebearers' Conference held last March in South Holland, IL.
The Lord has greatly blessed our churches with many strong Christian marriages and homes. This is a wonder of His grace, especially in the age we live in. We see in the world around us more and more the destruction of marriage and the home. And in much of the modem-day church we find the same miserable and wretched situation as in the world at large. There are almost as many divorces and remarriages in the church today as there are in the world. This is an alarming thing. Immorality and unfaithfulness are in many churches accepted as the inevitable product of our contemporary society. All the marriage counseling in the modem-day church has done little to stem the tide of trouble in marriages.
In the midst of this world one of the greatest blessings that the Lord has given to our churches, second only to the blessed truth of His Word, is the blessing of many strong Christian marriages. I have heard visitors to our churches express amazement at the strong Christian marriages and families that our churches in general have. I believe that the truth that is preached and maintained in our churches is, by the grace of God, largely responsible for the many solid Christian marriages which we see in our churches. Definitely apostasy in many churches, even in Reformed churches, has resulted in the disregard for the sanctity of marriage and the breakup of many marriages.
The best marital counseling is good solid preaching. Even the preaching of the great truths of God such as His absolute sovereignty and holiness serve for the good of marriages in the church. Such preaching instills the fear of God in the members of the church. The fear of God is the main principle for all Christian living and also for Christian marriage. Preaching the truth of the absolute infallibility and authority of the Word of God for all of life is necessary for maintaining marriages in the church. Sharply antithetical preaching that reveals the absolute difference between the philosophy of the world and the truth of God is necessary for maintaining good Christian marriages in the church. In particular, preaching that emphasizes the great truth that marriage is an ordinance of God and that it is an unbreakable, lifelong bond is the preaching that will foster strong marriages in the church. In short, faithful preaching of the whole counsel of God is the greatest power to maintain Christian marriage in the church. I believe that the Lord has greatly blessed in our churches the strong position that we have by His grace maintained regarding marriage and the home.
At the same time, our churches and her members are threatened by the increasingly ungodly world that we live in. There is hardly an area that more reveals the ungodliness of this world than the evil philosophy it propagates regarding marriage. Worldly philosophy regarding marriage is also making inroads into our churches. Even philosophies as evil as those of the feminist movement are having subtle influences on the thinking of our church members. There is evidence of a relaxing attitude towards the seriousness of the sins of immorality. Though we strongly condemn worldly amusement in our pulpits there is evidence that movies and videos, even with grossly immoral themes, are being watched for entertainment in some of our homes. Some of our members are adopting worldly life-styles that in a large measure contribute to the breakdown of marriages and homes. The devil is working hard in our churches. He well knows that one of the best ways to destroy the church is by destroying her marriages.
There is a great need in our churches for specific preaching about all the various aspects of marriage. The Bible enables us to do that because it is full of specific instruction on marriage. God gave us all of this because He knew how much His people needed constant instruction on marriage. This need is greater than ever because of the ungodliness of our age. There is need in our churches for pre-marriage counseling for couples intending to get married. It is good for us as pastors to deal directly with marriage questions in young people's society and couples' groups in our churches. In Redlands we recently spent a whole season studying marriage and the family in our Youg Adults Fellowship.
But in addition to public teaching and preaching there is a great need for pastoral work to help members of the church with serious marital problems. We are, sad to say, seeing more and more marriages in deep trouble also in our churches. These troubles are bringing great grief and anguish to the people involved. Marital problems among the members of the church are some of the most difficult problems we face in the pastorate. Often such marital problems are so extremely difficult that God's people cannot solve them without outside help. That help must be given by the pastors of the church, including ministers of the Word and elders. We as churches take a strong and uncompromising stand on marriage on the basis of God's Word. This stand however is not one without compassion. In fact, the strong stand of Scripture is also at the same time the most truly compassionate stand. Pastors must have deep sympathy for those who are struggling with marriage problems. They must reach out to help them by the grace of God.
Pastors are called to be involved in counseling couples with marital problems. Such counseling is part of the spiritual labors we must perform for the welfare of the sheep of our Lord Jesus Christ. As pastors we may not ignore this part of our calling or give it to someone else. There is prevalent in the church-world the notion that most marital problems are of such a nature that they need to be dealt with by a professional counselor, they are too difficult for the ordinary pastor to handle. Many pastors therefore quickly send their parishioners to such professional counselors if they imagine that they cannot handle the problems themselves. We believe this is wrong and also very dangerous. Among the socalled professional marriage counselors in the world there are very few that hold to truly biblical principles of marriage. Many in fact promote some of the most ungodly principles of marriage imaginable. I recently heard, for example, even of a so-called Christian counselor giving advice to an unmarried man struggling with sexual temptations to go out and find himself a woman with whom he could obtain relief from his sexual tensions by satisfying his desires. As pastors we had better realize the tremendous amount of ungodly advice that is being given to couples with marital problems. We are responsible before God for this when we send the sheep of Jesus' flock to such evil counselors!
The faithful pastor who is thoroughly equipped with the word of God is the best marriage counselor. He is qualified to do marriage counseling even where there are difficult marital problems. He is equipped for two reasons especially: because he stands in the office of Christ and has the authority of that office, and because he has the Word of God which reveals the perfect wisdom of God concerning marriage. This Word is all-sufficient, powerful, authoritative, compassionate, effective, and saving. God's people with marital problems need to hear theWord of God. They need that more than they need anything else, certainly more than they need the humanistic advice of ungodly men. Pastors need to have a thorough knowledge of the biblical principles of marriage. We need to be thoroughly convinced of the power of the Word of God. We need to rely entireiy on the wisdom and power of God's Word.
We need to show ourselves to be pastors indeed to members of the church of Jesus Christ, men who are carefully studied and have the wisdom of the Word of God, and men who are full of the compassion and love of the Lord Jesus Christ. We must have a reputation in the church of Jesus Christ that we are warm, personal, and deeply concerned, and easily approachable by God's people. Our demeanor must be such that the first person that God's people will seek out when they face marital problems is not some worldly professional counselorbut the pastor of the church of Jesus Christ.
Because of the deeply sensitive nature of marriage problems most who are experiencing these are very hesitant to go for any outside help. We therefore need to live among the people of God so that we can spot marital problems as early as possible. One of the great tragedies of marital problems is that it is often the case that those with such problems do not seek help until their marriages are totally on the rocks. They are then at a stage in which helping them is extremely difficult. Often deep-seated bitterness and despair have set in, the feeling of love has been destroyed, and there is a tangled web of sinful words and deeds that cot:ples have done to each other, and after a long period of time this has resulted in the absolute breakdown of their marriage. Sometimes decisions for separation and divorce have already been firmly made.
Marital counseling takes a lot of pastoral work. It takes a lot of compassion and willingness on the part of the pastor to deal personally and extensively with the members of his flock. It takes skillful handling of the Word of God with patience and perseverance. There must be a real willingness to listen to the deep hurt which marital problems cause. Needless to say, all of this takes much prayerful preparation and wisdom on the part of the pastor.
Books on this subject list various causes of marital problems. Some of the chief ones are: 1) disagreement over financial matters in a marriage; 2)sexual problems between couples; 3) a lack of communion and communications between husband and wife; 4) difficulties of life that drive couples apart rather than together because such problems are not being dealt with together as husband and wife, are not dealt with in a biblical manner, and are not bome by the grace of God; 5) the burdens of raising children not shared by husband and wife together; 6) constant cruel and harsh criticism of one partner for the other; 7) many ways in which husbands or wives do not fulfill their responsibility and duty in the marriage; 8) physical abuse of wives by their husbands.
I am sure there are many more. Life in the world today certainly puts great pressure on marriages that greatly contributes to the breakdown of many marriages. There are many ungodly philosophies that militate against God's Word on marriage. We are living in a sex-crazed society that instills in people the expectation that sex between husband and wife must always be passionate and extremely exciting. There is propagated by the mass media an inordinate emphasis on outward bodily appearance, which leaves the idea in people's mind that the worth of a marriage partner is dependent entirely on sexual attractiveness. There is a commonly accepted notion that if you no longer find your partner sexually attractive, there may be someone else available who is more attractive, and you have every right to forsake your spouse to find someone more exciting.
The world we live in is extremely materialistic. Everyone imagines that he has a right to be wealthy and to have all the luxuries of a beautiful, elaborately furnished home; several automobiles; frequent, expensive, exciting vacations; and more. To keep up the great expense of such a lifestyle, both husband and wife have to work. Not only this, they have to work so many hours that they hardly have any time for their marriages and families. The women of the world imagine that they have the right to forsake entirely their calling in the home to seek a glamorous career in the world. Men in turn often make their careers the absolute number one priority of their life, and they devote to it all their time and energy. At the same time they grievously neglect their responsibility and calling in marriage and the home. The world is caught up in a rat race to succeed and get ahead and to be prosperous.
Many Christians have made themselves part of this rat race. This is a great evil. This is not justified by convincing oneself that all this is necessary to support a wife and family. This kind of life-style is destroying many marriages. There is the common philosophy amongmany that, as soon as problems arise, either of the partners has the right to forsake the marriage. Every man has the right of happiness in this life and he need not put up with trouble for any length of time. Many have forgotten the traditional vow 'for better of for worse.'
Our dealing with marital problems in the church must center in maintaining and teaching authoritatively, but also compassionately and skillfully, the great biblical principles of marriage. The most basic principle is that marriage is an institution of God, not merely an invention of men. Because marriage is an ordinance of God, God Himself has given to us a definite order and pattern for marriage in His Word. That pattern is good and wise because it was established by the good and wise God.
That basic pattern is the same for all ages. The modern-day philosophy that seeks to overthrow this pattern must by all means be resisted. The calling of God’s people in marriage is to live according to God’s order in the fear of the Lord and for His glory. This is the highest calling for marriage. The first objective of marriage is not our own pleasure and satisfaction, certainly not the gratification of our own lusts. It is not even first of all the pursuit of our own happiness and fulfillment. Rather, the highest calling we have in marriage is to serve the Lord and to live in marriage in a way that is pleasing to Him. Happiness in marriage is God’s reward to those who fear Him and who keep His commandments. God’s people need to be reminded of this again and again.
The Lord has outlined the role of each partner in marriage. The husband is called to be the head of his wife. This is a calling of greatest responsibility.This role does not give the husband the right to be a self-seeking and cruel tyrant over his wife. He has the calling to lead his wife spiritually in the way of the Lord. The Bible calls the husband to nourish and cherish his wife, to be kind and gentle to her because she is the weaker sex. He has the calling to protect and support his wife in all of life. The greatest responsibility for the welfare of marriage is the husband’s. Those who ignore this calling can expect trouble in marriage. The wife has the calling to serve her husband as helpmeet, submitting herself to his authority. She is called to be the keeper of the house, to care both for her husband and the children.
These are the simple and plain teachings of the Word of God. No one can violate God’s rules for marriage without suffering the consequences of trouble in marriage. As pastors we need to help build broken marriages according to the pattern of the Scriptures, in the conviction that this alone will bring the blessing of the Lord. Though most of the world today absolutely mocks God’s order for marriage, we firmly believe that marital problems can be solved only where God’s order is restored, as difficult as that may be in our modern-day world.
The Lord intended that marriage should be a communion of life between husband and wife. That is the heart of marriage. There can be no happy marriage unless communion, friendship, and fellowship is fostered. The chief part of that communion in Christian marriage must be communion of husband and wife together with the Lord. Many modern-day life-styles make no provision for this communion. Husbands and wives have their separate careers and hardly live one life together. Both are often so busy that they have little time for each other. So much of this busyness is nothing but crass worldliness and materialism. The wife who does not make keeping the home for her husband and children the main occupation in life, but consumes all her energies with her worldly career, will have little energy, time, or interest to commune with her husband. She will create a great conflict within herself because of guilt feelings regarding the neglect of her children.
Likewise the husband who has wrongly made his career the main thing in his life, for which he consumes all his time and energy, will not be able to live in true communion with his wife. When he comes home he will be irritable. He will not have the time and energy to deal properly with his marriage and the problems that arise in it. He will not be able to give himself as he should to leading his family. If his wife is staying at home to care for the children he will have little energy to support his wife and truly share with her the burden of rearing the children. The communion of marriage must be fostered by the husband. He must be ready to share his life with his wife and take a genuine interest in her life in the home. If either partner fails to work towards the communion of marriage the heart of their marriage will die.
Pastoral counseling must operate within the framework that according to God’s Word marriage is an absolutely unbreakable bond. There may be no compromise on this. The godly pastor certainly does not suggest that if the problems in a marriage are too great it is better for a couple to be separated. Only very rarely would he counsel separation, when there is continual violence in the home, for example, or when an ungodly partner wants to depart, as Paul permits in I Corinthians 7. God made marriage an unbreakable bond for good, for the glory of His own name, and in order that it might reflect the love and faithfulness of Christ for His church. Couples must be told that they have no other option before the Lord but to work towards the resolution of their problems and the restoration of their marriages.
It is a great evil that so many counselors today are advising couples who are having serious problems that they are better off separating. "What God has joined together let not man put asunder." Marriage problems may be extremely difficult. God’s people must be admonished not to try to escape these problems by breaking their marriages, but rather to work very hard at overcoming them. This may take a long time and may mean that one must suffer grievous wrong from his marriage partner, but this is the will of the Lord. Most important of all, exactly because marriage is of the Lord there is hope for solving the problems we face in marriage by the power of the grace of God.
Pastors need constantly to remind married couples of their calling to live with their partners in the love of God. The love that God requires of us in marriage must be clearly distinguished from the wicked and depraved notions of "love" present in the world. Pastors need to teach that such love is first of all the love of God, the love that comes from God, and that is characterized by the holiness and truth of God. It is a gift that we must receive from God through daily prayer together as husband and wife. We need to teach that love is first of all a command of God. We are under solemn obligation to obey that command of the Lord in our marriages. That takes constant work and much effort. It is a holy love that demands daily self-sacrifice and self-denial, something which is totally opposite to all the philosophy of the world.
We need to maintain the biblical position that marital problems, as all other great problems of human relations, are sin related. Our sins are awful, first of all, because they are committed against God. They are awful also because they do great hurt to our partners and do great damage to our marriage. Sin that is not confessed and repented of can cause deep feelings of resentment and bitterness between husband and wife that destroys marriages. To say that sin is the cause of all marital problems is not saying something simplistic and irrelevant. It is not psychological, or social problems,or innocent personality differences, or hopeless incompatibility that causes marital problems. It is plainly and definitely sin.
When dealing with marital problems we need to realize the complicated and involved character of sin. Sin is a terrible monster that grips man tightly and beclouds all his thinking and judgments. Our calling as pastors is to help couples unravel the tangled web of a sinful life that has resulted in the breakdown of their marriage. It is seldom that one sin alone brings a marriage to ruin. It is a complicated mass of sin. God’s people often need to be shown in great detail and very specifically where and how exactly they have sinned against their partner.
In our pastoral labors we need to show God’s people again and again especially the horrible nature of sexual sins. The Bible singles out this sin as a particularly awful sin. (See I Corinthians 6.) There is a definite reason why this sin alone, according to the Lord’s permission, is ground for separation. The extra-marital escapade of evil, adulterous pleasure is abominable before God and does unspeakably grievous hurt to marriage.
Pastors need to help couples in marital problems face the seriousness of all their sins and understand the grievous consequences of those sins for their marriages. Marital problems cannot be overcome unless sin is dealt with in a biblical way, truly confessed, and forsaken by the grace of God. Husbands and wives need to be brought to the cross of Jesus Christ for forgiveness and restoration. No marital problem can be truly solved unless that is done. That is the great work of the true pastor. There is hope for couples in marital problems at the cross of Jesus Christ and in the power of forgiveness. There is hope in the power of the grace and Spirit of the Lord to restore the broken and devastated marriage, no matter how terrible and hopeless the situation might seem to be before men.
Because there are ungodly men in the church, marriages will sometimes break down even after much pastoral labors. Sometimes there are innocent victims of these breakdowns, wives or husbands who have been cruelly treated and cast aside. Sometimes only one partner of a marriage will truly repent. Such people need a lot of pastoral counseling and encouragement to continue their Christian life. Especially important is helping such a person to live as a single Christian for the rest of his life for the sake of the honor of the name of the Lord. This often will be very difficult. Such sheep need much care and support.
May the Lord make us faithful pastors and shepherds of His flock.
(Standard Bearer Jan 15,1994)
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The Remarriage of the"Innocent Party"
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. Matthew 19:9
Scandal
It is painfully evident to everyone that the dishonoring of marriage inevangelical Protestant churches today is scandalous. Divorces for every reason and remarriages abound. It is now lawful for a man to put away his wife for any cause and to marry another, often someone else's wife, and to be a member in good standing in an evangelical church.
The causes of this scandal are many. For one thing, the churches are conformed to this world. In North America we live in a society in which one of every two marriages breaks up in divorce and in which it is acceptable to remarry. Like Israel under the Old Covenant, the churches have learned well the ways of the heathen among whom they live.
Another cause is the silence of the pulpit and the neglect of the keypower of Christian discipline. Due partly to their sympathy for the hard lot of some members and due partly to their fear lest they cause trouble in their congregations, ministers refuse to preach the truth about marriage, divorce, and remarriage, and elders refuse to exercise censure upon members who sin in the matter of marriage.
Not long ago, a deeply disturbed church member related to me that he had gone to his minister pleading that he teach the congregation the will of God concerning marriage. He had made this plea because of the abominable events that were occurring in the congregation. Members were divorcing their own wives and husbands and remarrying each other's wives and husbands. The minister's response was, "I would not touch that subject with a ten-foot pole."
At the International Council on Biblical Inerrancy held in Chicago, Illinois, in 1986, where inerrancy was to be applied to the Christian life, some proposed a strong statement on the lifelong nature of marriage, condemning divorce except in the case of fornication and forbidding remarriage. Pastors of the large evangelical churches opposed the proposal vehemently since it would have created trouble in their churches, filled as they are with divorced and remarried members. Needless to say, the proposal got nowhere.
Fundamentally, the cause of the scandal is that the churches refuse to bow, unconditionally, to the sovereign authority of the Holy Scriptures. When the Pharisees asked Jesus about the lawfulness of divorce, He replied, "Have ye not read?' that is, "What does the Bible say?" "What does God say in His inspired Word?" (Matt. 19:4). What God said at the "beginning" in Genesis2:24 was decisive for Jesus as regards marriage and divorce. Not so for the evangelical churches. Neither what God said about marriage at the"beginning" nor what God said about marriage in Matthew 19 is the rule for marriage, divorce, and remarriage in evangelical churches today.
The consequences are dreadful.
Divorce and remarriage are destroying Christian families by the thousands. Countless wives and husbands, wickedly divorced by their mates, and multitudes of children, abandoned by one of their parents, are ruined. They are ruined psychologically, spiritually, and eternally.
Worse still, divorce and remarriage disgrace God's Name. People called by the name of the God who is faithful in His covenant are unfaithful in the most basic of all the relationships of life. Their claim is that the God of Christianity justifies and approves this gross unfaithfulness. They ransack His Word to discover warrant for their violation of their sacred vow of marriage. When they remarry, often another man's wife or another woman's husband, they do so in a Christian ceremony, using an obliging minister of the gospel, and with yet another pledge of godly fidelity. It is common in evangelical churches that this is repeated three and four times. This is a profaning of the name of God.
It is urgent that the true church of Christ and her faithful ministers bear witness to God's truth concerning the unbreakable bond of marriage.
The "Innocent Party"
A serious challenge to this testimony about marriage is the claim that the "innocent party" in a divorce has the right to remarry. The 'innocent party' is the faithful husband whose wife commits adultery against him or the faithful wife whose husband wickedly divorces her for another woman. Some who oppose other remarriages as unlawful have great difficulty with the prohibition of the remarriage of the innocent party.
People are naturally sympathetic to the innocent party and suppose that the Scriptures would make allowances for them and their need.
But there is also biblical argument for the position that the innocent party may remarry. Appeal is made to Jesus' words in Matthew 19:9. Although Jesus forbids divorce and remarriage, there is an exception: "except it be for fornication." Surely, say the advocates of the remarriage of the innocent party, this establishes the right of the innocent party to divorce his or her unfaithful mate and to marry another.
Marriage, then, is not a lifelong, unbreakable bond. Men and women can break it. They can break it by fornication.
This popular understanding of the text, however, is mistaken. The text itself makes plain that the remarriage of the innocent party is forbidden by the Lord....
Our question concerning Matthew 19:9, remember, is whether the exception clause is intended to qualify only the prohibition against divorcing or also the prohibition against remarrying. Nowhere else do the Scriptures teach that fornication is a ground for remarriage. Rather, the Scriptures elsewhere teach that all remarriage after divorce is adultery. But Matthew 5:31,32 does teach that fornication is a ground for divorce. This would lead us to suppose that in Matthew 19:9 the exception clause must be taken to qualify only the prohibition against divorce.
No Remarriage
A careful examination of the Lord's words in Matthew 19:9 reveals that this is exactly His teaching. This is evident from the placement of the exception clause in the text. The words 'except it be for fornication' immediately follow the words "whosoever shall put away his wife" and precede the words "and shall marry another." The exception applies to the prohibition against divorce. Had Jesus meant to give an exception to His prohibition against remarriage, He would have placed the exception clause after the words, "and shall marry another." The text would then haveread,"Whosoever shall put away his wife and shall marry another, except it be for fornication,"etc.
The deliberate placement of the exception clause following the mention of divorce but preceding the mention of remarriage indicates that Jesus is giving an exception only regarding the prohibition against divorce.
That Jesus is not teaching that the innocent party may remarry is proved conclusively by the second part of the text: "and whoso marrieth her which is put away cloth commit adultery." It is a serious violation of a basic law governing the interpretation of the Scriptures that men ignore the other, clearer passages on remarriage in their explanation of Matthew 19:9. It is an even worse error that they commonly ignore the second part of the text itself.
The second part of the text refers back to the wife of the first part. Her husband has
divorced her even though she was not guilty of fornication. He has since married another
and, according to the judgment of Christ, is living in adultery. The woman referred to in
the second part of Matthew 19:9, therefore, is the innocent party. According to those who
find in the first part of the text the right of the innocent party to remarry, she should
be free to marry another man. But Christ denies this: "Whoso marrieth her which is
put away doth commit adultery."
Even though she is the innocent party, she may not remarry. If she does, her marriage is
an adulterous marriage.
The doctrine of the Lord in Matthew 19:9 then is this: Husbands may not divorce their wives. If they do, they sin. The rule in the kingdom of Christ is ,that expressed in verse 6: "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."
There is one exception to this forbidding of divorce: the fornication of one's mate. Fornication in the text is sexual unfaithfulness to one's husband or wife in that one has sexual relations with another. Usually, it is adultery, but it refers as well to homosexual sin.
Fornication is the one biblical ground for divorce. This brings home to Christians the importance of sexual faithfulness in marriage and the gravity of the wickedness of adultery. It also brings out that the wisdom of the Lord is practical. No one is required to live with a fornicating mate with all the dangers to soul and body that this involves.
There is an exception to the prohibition against divorce. There is no exception to the prohibition against remarriage. All who remarry after divorce, regardless of the fact that they are the innocent party, commit adultery. The guilty husband who has divorced his faithful wife and married another commits adultery. But also the man who marries the innocent divorcee commits adultery.
Interpreted in this way, Matthew 19:9 harmonizes with the teaching of Christ and His apostles elsewhere in the New Testament, that marriage is for fife and that all remarriage after divorce is adultery. It also accords with the fundamental Word of Jehovah God about marriage in Genesis 2:24 to which Jesus has referred in verses 4 and 5 of Matthew 19: "... For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh."
This explanation fits the context, for the question of the Pharisees concerned divorce, not remarriage: "Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?" (v. 4). Jesus is answering the question "Are there grounds for divorce?" He is not answering a question about grounds for remarriage. Jesus mentions remarriage because remarriage is invariably in view when a man divorces his wife.
It may be noted that this interpretation of the text, with its prohibition against the remarriage of the innocent party, was the virtually unanimous position of the church for about a thousand years after the apostles.
The Ground of the Prohibition
The ground of the prohibition against the remarriage of the innocent party is simply what marriage is by the sovereign act of God the Creator. Marriage is a lifelong, unbreakable bond between one man and one woman Jesus had taught this basic truth about marriage in verses 4-6 of Matthew 19:
"And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read,that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."
In teaching this, Jesus points out that He was only repeating what God Himself had revealed about marriage on the occasion of His institution of marriage in Paradise. In Genesis 2:24 God Himself had revealed that His institution of marriage is an indissoluble bond for life.
At issue in the controversy over the remarriage of the innocent party is the very nature of marriage itself. Is marriage merely a conditional contract hammered out between a man and a woman-a contract hammered out in the presence of God but still only a contract between the two? If this is what marriage is, it can indeed be broken by the failure of one or the other to fulfill the basic condition of the contract, namely, sexual faithfulness.
Or is marriage not a contract at all but a relationship, a union, made by God? And is it such a union, such a divine joining, of the two that they become one flesh? If this is what marriage is, it cannot be dissolved by man. The state cannot dissolve it; churches cannot dissolve it; society cannot dissolve it; the married persons themselves cannot dissolve it.
Only God may dissolve it. Only God can dissolve it. God dissolves it by death. Christ's forbidding of the remarriage of the innocent party rests on the conception of marriage as an indissoluble bond formed by God. Verse 9 of Matthew 19 is grounded in verses 4-6.
Even though her husband has unjustly put her away and entered into an adulterous marriage with another woman, the innocent woman may not remarry. Whoever marries her commits adultery. For she has a husband. He is a wicked husband. He is living in adultery with another woman. But he is her husband. She is bound to him. God binds her to him. God binds her to him until death as they no doubt acknowledged when they married, vowing "until death us do part."
If, on the contrary, the innocent party is free to remarry, the guilty party is likewise free to remarry. Some like to restrict the right of remarriage to the innocent party. But this is impossible. If the innocent party in a divorce may remarry, the reason must be that the marriage has been dissolved. No one, except perhaps an unreconstructed Mormon, would allow a erson who is presently married to marry another. The guilty party has dissolved the marriage by his fornication. But if the marriage is dissolved for the innocent party, it has been dissolved also for the guilty party. In the nature of the case, a marriage cannot be dissolved for only one of the married persons any more than a marriage can be an adulterous marriage for only one of the persons. This means that the guilty person is no longer married. In this case he is free to marry, for God gives every unmarried person the right to marry if he wills (cf. I Cor. 7:27, 28).
Permitting the innocent party to remarry necessarily opens the church up to the acceptance also of the remarriage of the guilty party. Two examples reflecting that which is actually happening in evangelical churches will make this clear.
A man's wife leaves him to whore around with other men. He divorces her on the biblical ground given in Matthew 19:9. According to the stand of his church, the man - the innocent party - then remarries. Later, the unfaithful wife repents and returns to the church. When she desires to remarry, the church must approve. For her original marriage was dissolved by her fornication. As an unmarried woman, she has every right to marry. In addition, her original husband has been allowed to remarry so that reconciliation with him is impossible.
Or a man divorces his wife unbiblically in order to marry another woman. The innocent woman remarries with the blessing of the church. Later, the original husband professes repentance and seeks admission into the church with his second wife. The church must approve his present marriage and receive the couple since his original marriage was dissolved by his adultery.
Christ approves none of this. The remarriage of the guilty party is continuous adultery: "He committeth adultery." Also the remarriage of the innocent party is adulterous: "Whoso marrieth her which is put away cloth commit adultery." For Christ honors His own institution of marriage as an unbreakable bond. God ordained marriage in the beginning to be the earthly symbol of His own relationship of love with His people in Christ. The reality of marriage is the covenant of grace that God has established with Isreal/Church. God married Jerusalem according to Ezekiel 16. The fulfillment of this marriage according to Ephesiahs 5:22ff. is the New Testament covenant between Christ and the church. Marriage is the "great mystery... (of) Christ and the church" (Eph. 5:32).
God is faithful in the covenant. He never divorces and remarries. God is faithful at awful cost. He gave up His only begotten Son to the death of the cross. By the atoning death of the Son of God, faithless Israel/Church obtained the right to be God's bride. On the basis of the cross, the Spirit of Christ cleanses Israel/Church so that she becomes faithful to God in thankful love.
Jesus Christ taught a doctrine of faithfulness in an indissoluble marriage bond because He practices this Himself in the real marriage.
Some Practical Implications
This must be the stand of the church that is determined to teach the nations "to observe whatsoever I have commanded you" (Matt. 28:20). Her stand on remarriage is determined by the doctrine of her Lord as revealed in the Scriptures. This must be her stand regardless of the culture in which she lives; regardless of the teaching and practice of other churches; and regardless of the opposition within her own membership of fathers, mothewrs, brothers, sisters, and friends of those who desire to remarry.
Excerpted from the new book on single life, marriage, divorce and remarriage by David J. Engelsma, Better to Marry. Copyright by The Reformed Free Publishing Association. Reprinted with permission.
Book Review
Better to Marry by David J.Engelsma. Grand Rapids: Reformed Free Publishing Association, 1993. 105 pp., $9.95 (paper). [Reviewed by Rev. Audred Spriensma.]
Prof. David Engelsma has written another small book (105 pages) on the subject of marriage. His first book :Marriage: The Mystery of Chiist and the Church was first published in 1975 and has been reprinted several times. It is a fine book on the nature and demands of marriage based upon the teaching of God's Word from Ephesians 5. The Christian couple in their marriage relationship are to be a picture of the glorious relationship between Christ and His church. As a pastor I was happy to give that book to all the young couples I married in my previous churches.
Now we have another book from the able hand of this writer and pastor. This book is not to replace the first book but to supplement that teaching. Now Prof. Engelsma draws from the teaching of God's Word as it is found in that classic passage of marriage, I Corinthians 7. Here God's Word gives us the very practical and earthy basis for marriage and the answers to problems in marriage.
We need this. Too often God's people listen to the wisdom and advice of the world concerning sex and marriage, advice not based upon God's Word and therefore advice that leads the saints astray. Prof. Engelsma writes, "It becomes increasingly rare that the churches and their teachers base their instruction and guidance squarely on the Word of God ... the churches are ready to give counsel that deviates from, and even plainly contradicts Holy Scripture. In the end, there is no difference between the advice of the unbelieving counselor and the advice of the supposedly Christian counselor." Or again he writes, "Either the churches officially adopt reports that sanction the sexual activity of the unmarried, the unbiblical divorcing and the remarrying of the married,and the homosexual lust and conduct of married and unmarried; or the churches preach a grace of God in Christ that approves all this wickedness by tolerating it in the lives of professing Christians and in the fellowship of the congregation." Prof. Engelsma, correctly I believe, lays the blame of much of the sin where it belongs, i.e., on the church. Office-bearers will have to give an account to the Head of the church in the Judgment Day for having caused these little ones to stumble.
The theme of the book is that it is better to marry in order to flee fomication. Fornication was common in the pagan world of the apostle Paul's day, as it is also in our day. We live in a sex-saturated society. As Prof. Engelsma points out in regard to fornication: "It is no different from eating, except that more effort is put forth to stir up the appetite for fomicating than for eating." In this age the church must speak plainly and unashamedly about sex in the single life and in marriage.
The author can be thanked for his careful exegetical treatment of I Corinthians7 ,pointing out how modem translations have corrupted the teaching of God's Word. At the end of each chapter Prof. Engelsma sums up the teaching of God's Word and lists implications of this teaching for the conduct and attitudes of believers and the church. And coming through loud and clear, as must be the case, is the gospel to those who have sinned, or are struggling with homosexual feelings: "It (the Gospel) forgives all past sins of fornication, including homosexual sins ... and it breaks the ruling power of the sin of fornication. Whether the gospel has the power to deliver those who have the perverse desire for people of their own sex, so that they crucify this desire and resolutely refuse to practice it, is not even a question in the church where the gospel is known"(p. 10). Again, "... for those who have already broken God's law concerning marriage, whether by fornication, by an unbiblical divorce, or by remarriage, there is a way of escape from condemnation. This way is by repentance. Repentance finds forgiveness in the atoning death of Jesus Christ. There is abundant mercy in the Savior to blot out the guilt of fornication, desertion, divorce, and remarriage. But repentance breaks with the sin and walks henceforth in obedience to the ordinances of God, regardless of the cost" (p. 87).
The book contains a nice section on the single person. Single life is often neglected orlooked down upon. But God's Word shows that the single life is honorable and even beneficial for the Kingdom of God. Personally I would like to see the author write a separate book on this important topic. Or perhaps we would be better served with a different title to this present book, such as 'Serving the Lord in Single or Married Life.' Singleness as a lifelong state is honorable.
Christians who desire to live for God's glory and in obedience to God's Word whether single or married would do well to read and apply the down-to-earth practical instruction that one finds in this book.
Prof. Engelsma concludes the book with a sermon in an appendix regarding the sin of remarriage. It is well that the book ends with a sermon. It shows that not only is it possible for the church to preach these practical truths but also necessary, for preaching is the means of grace that God uses and blesses to lead His church in the truth.
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