Counseling the Grieving

Rev. Charles Terpstra

Introduction

The pastoral ministry of officebearers to the grieving is a vitally important work in the church of Jesus Christ. It is so, first of all, because in ministering to the grieving we are to represent and be the instruments of the God whose work it is to heal the broken in heart and bind up their wounds (literally "griefs," Ps 147:3). Specifically, as it is the ministry of Christ "to bind up the brokenhearted" and "to comfort all that mourn" (Is. 61:1-3; Luke 4:18, 19), so it is our ministry to do the same.

Secondly, this work is important because God's people need us in the hour of grief. The time of sorrow is one of the most troubling and trying periods in believers' lives. It is also a time when Satan can buffet them with the greatest temptations. We who fill the offices of Christ must be there to help the saints in this time of great need.

Thirdly, this work is so important because of its implications for us who minister to the grieving. In their book Comforting the Bereaved, Warren and David Wiersbe address this in these words:

If his ministry of the Word is to be effective week after week, he must know what it means to minister to broken hearts. The pastor who is isolated and insulated, locked up in his study, is robbing himself and his people of some of the most enriching experiences of ministerial life.... Phillips Brooks said that the growing pastor must experience higher heights of joy and deeper depths of sorrow; and this is true.... Our church members quickly forget our sermons, but they remember our kindnesses, especially those dark hours when we were walking with them through the valley. Many pastors confess that they have learned more about the grace of God at an open casket than they ever learned from a profound theology book (p. 6).

In the light of these things it is evident that we must be involved in counseling God's grieving people.

The Reality and Process of Grief

Grief is a very real and painful experience in the lives of God's people. All of God's children feel the hurt of sorrow at one time or another in their lives. The Word of God teaches us that, since the fall of man into sin, sorrow is an integral part of our lives (cf. Gen. 3:16,17; Ps. 90:10). And the Bible does not hide this reality from us, but, throughout, records the examples and experiences of grief in the lives of God's children. Who can forget the sorrows of Jacob and of Job and of David? Also our Lord walked the path of grief; He was in fact the Man of sorrows, acquainted with all our grief (Is. 53:3). If God can be grieved (Gen. 6:6, Eph. 4:30), and His people are in His image, they will feel grief as well. If the children of God live in this vale of tears and shadow of suffering and death (and they do), they will taste the agonies of mourning.

Grief is also an extremely complex emotion and state. It consists of a combination of sadness, anguish, anxiety, fear, doubt, distress, loneliness, helplessness, and even despair. It may be deep and prolonged, or relatively shallow and brief. It may be a heavy burden, or a relatively light load. It may be attended by a host of other difficulties, or be a singularly focused struggle. Because of this it is easy for the counselor to fall into being too simplistic on the one hand, or too probing and profound on the other hand. Counseling the grieving requires the wisdom of Christ and His Word.

It is also important to realize that the causes of grief are manifold according to Scripture and our experience. No doubt the greatest and most common cause of grief is death. The loss of a loved one, whether a wife (Gen. 23:2), or a husband, or a child (Gen. 37:35, Job 1:19,20; 11 Sam. 18:33; 19:1, 2; Matt. 2.-17, 18), or a father (Gen. 50:10), or a mother (Gen. 24:67), or a close friend (11 Sam. 1:11, 12, 17ff.), whether expected or unexpected, brings on a time of intense pain and sadness.

But death is by no means the only cause of grief. Sorrow is also brought on by sickness and its results (II Kings 20:3; Ps. 38:6; 42:3); childlessness (I Sam. 1:7,8,15,16); wayward children (Gen. 26:35; Prov. 17:25); the hurt of friends and relatives (ps. 31, 69); persecution (Ps. 38, 69); loss of property (Job 1: 13ff.) or work; divorce or separation; sin (11 Cor. 7:10); the unconverted state of family or friends (Rom. 9:2), etc. It is good to know these various causes and examples, so that we may watch for them among God's people and be ready to bring help and comfort to them.

It is frequently stressed in connection with this subject that grief is a process which is made up of several stages. I am not going to emphasize this, since others have dealt with this before (cf. the articles "God's Work in Our Grief," by Pastor W. Bekkering, Dec. 1, 1990; and "Ministering to the terminally III," by Pastor M. DeVries, Mar. 1, 1993 in the Standard Bearer).

There are two things I would like to stress in this connection however. First, it is important to remember that the saints' times of grieving are also part of God's sovereign plan and purposes, just as the causes of this grieving are. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 reminds us of this: "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: ... A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance." The grieving must know that their process of grief, including its length and depth and details, is all in the Father's hands, appointed by Him and carried out by Him. And second, because of this, the saints' time of grieving is meant to be a process of growth. Mildred Tengbom, in her book Grief for a Season, writes of this, while also cautioning us about thinking too -strictly of the period of grief:

In grieving we just don't pass from one clearly defined stage to another: grieving isn't that orderly. Some mornings we may feel able to accept what has happened, but before noon we're plunged into despair again. Some have described grieving as going down a road that twists and turns, climbs hills, descends to valleys, and crosses rivers and plains. Others have compared bereavement to going through a long, dark tunnel. Whatever metaphor we use, let's remember it's important not to get stuck along the way. Grieving is meant to be a growing process (p. 35).

Another Christian author described this growth in these terms: "Things happen to me in order that things should happen in me... so that things could happen through me" (quoted in Yet Will I Trust Him, by P. Rankin). Job's words in Job 23:10 bring these two ideas together, "But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." That is what we have to assure God's grieving people.

Special Problems in Grieving

There are often special problems (sins, weaknesses, struggles) associated with the time of grieving and it is important that we who counsel the grieving know these problems. The emotion and state of grief is seldom found alone; it is almost always attended by other struggles and difficulties. The Scriptures openly speak of these things as well.

Those who grieve are often filled with questions and fears and regrets. They wonder why God has brought this suffering and loss into their lives, why it came at that particular time, and what God's purpose is in it. They can worry about the destiny and state of their departed one and fear their own readiness for the end of their lives. They are afraid of going on in life and of how they will make it. They can have endless questions about what heaven is like and what their loved one is doing. They can be filled with worry and regret for not having spent more time with their loved one or for not having done enough for them.

Closely related to these experiences is the fact that the grieving often become filled with anger, bitterness, and complaining. It is striking that one of the Old Testament words for grief also has the element of anger associated with it (cf. kass in I Sam. 1:16 and Job 6:2). Those who are plunged into sorrow can lash out at friends and family and church - and at God. They can be severely critical of His people and of His circumstances, and fill their days with complaints (cf. Job 3; 7:11; 10:1; 16:lff.; Ps. 55:2; 77:3).

Further, those who grieve, especially following the loss of a loved one, are often overcome by severe loneliness. They miss deeply their departed one and long for him/her to return. This loneliness is often provoked by the fact that shortly after the busyness of the funeral and the return to normalcy for everyone else, they are forgotten in their grief (Ps. 31:12; 38:11; 88:4,5). The visits, cards, meals, and other special favors and attention come to an end, and they feel all alone in the community of the saints. What is more, the pain of this loneliness can also be increased by the fact that God seems to be absent. Not only do they feel deeply the absence of their loved one, but they also feel that God is not there (Job 23:2, 8, 9; Ps. 77, 88).

What is more, and often due to the above-mentioned experiences, those who are cast into a season of grief frequently become depressed and can even reach the point of despair. Of this too the Scriptures testify, as in I Kings 19:4; Job 3:lff.; Psalm 77,88.

In addition to these things, the time of grieving may also be attended by extreme physical weariness and exhaustion and by sleeplessness and lack of appetite (cf. Ps. 6:6, 31:10; 38:8; 102:4).

Comforting the Grieving

As was pointed out at the beginning, ours is the ministry of being Christ's representatives and instruments to bind up broken hearts and to comfort those who mourn. The question we now face is, How is this to be done?

The grieving today can no longer see and touch Christ, but us they can and must.

The first thing to be stressed in answer to this question is that we must truly show ourselves to be Christ's representatives to His sorrowing and hurting people. By that I mean that we must be present with God's people in their grief, that we must truly sympathize with them in their grief, and that we must reveal the compassion of God to them in their sorrow. More important, first of all, than anything we may say to the grieving is the fact that we convey genuine care for them. That implies that we must be there with them in their sorrow. We must go to be with them and stand with them in their dark hour of grief. Christ did that when He went to Bethany to be with Mary and Martha (John 11). The grieving today can no longer see and touch Christ, but us they can and must. The basic idea of the word for "comfort" in the New Testament is that of calling someone to your side. That is what we must do for the bereaved - call them to our side and reveal the presence of Christ to them. And let that presence be the presence of love and compassion. Further, we must sincerely share with them in their sorrow and suffering (sympathize). This will mean weeping with them that weep (Rom. 12:15; John 11:35). This certainly means letting them tell us their grief, exactly how they feel, what they are experiencing. We must listen, as well as speak. A. Kuyper has some excellent thoughts on this essential aspect of comfort in his book In the Shadow of Death. In a chapter in which he criticizes the miserable comfort of Job's three friends, he writes:

Words too can comfort. But one must go differently about it. First the eye must have spoken, and the expression of the face and the warm hand-clasp. And when thus the soul disclosed herself and drew breath again, then first a gentle, whispering word; and when thus the sorrowing soul herself begins to speak then, yea, further conversation can follow; not with a little lesson learned by rote; not with reasoning ready-made for all who are in sorrow; but with the language of the heart.

... To comfort is no hushing with soft talk, but suffering oneself with the sufferer; sharing distress with him who is distressed. With the troubled of soul feeling pain in your own heart. There is no comforting where there is no fellowship of heart with heart.... Love is the soul of all real comforting. Forgetting yourself. Thinking of the aggrieved one alone. Entering into the life of anguish. Living along with it" (pp. 141-142).

The second thing which needs to be stressed in comforting the grieving is that the counselor must direct and lead them to God and His Son, Jesus Christ. He is after all their Comforter (II Cor. 1:3,4) and Healer (Ps. 147:3), and the sovereign God of their salvation who works all things for their good (Rom. 8:28). We must show them and assure them from the Word of the presence of God with them in their sorrow (Ps. 23:4; 34:18; Is. 43:2; Micah 7:8). We must show them and assure them from the Word of the power (sufficiency) of God to help them in their grief (Job 5:18; Ps. 23:13; 27:1,10,14; Jer. 8:21,22; 31:25). We must show them and assure them of the sovereignty of God in their affliction (Job 1:21; 13:15; Ps. 31:15; 37:5; 39:9; Rom. 8:28). We must direct them to the suffering and sorrow of Jesus Christ the Savior, showing them the example of this suffering and sorrow (Is. 53; Lam. 1:12, Matt. 26:37-42; John 11:35; Heb. 5:7, 8), the saving power of this suffering and sorrow (Is. 53; Heb. 10; 1 Pet. 2:24, 25), and the victory and fruit of this suffering and sorrow (Rom. 8:17, 18; 1 Cor. 15; 11 Cor. 4, 5; 1 Thess. 4:13ff.; 1 Pet. 4:13; Rev. 7:17; 21:4).

Thirdly, we who minister to the grieving can counsel and comfort them by directing them to the saints of the past who received God's help and strength in their time of sorrow. We may point them to examples in the Bible (e.g., 11 Sam. 12:15ff.; Ps. 30:5, 11; 116:8; Luke 7:12ff.; I Kings 17:9ff.) and to examples in the church. It is of great comfort to the sorrowing to know that others have walked the path of grief, and to see how they were helped and strengthened.

Finally, in counseling and comforting the grieving a few practical points are in order. First, let the grieving know that it is spiritually normal and even healthy for them to continue to have times of weeping over their loss and to have strong feelings of missing their departed one. Too often we can become impatient with the bereaved and leave the impression with them that they ought to be long over their grief. We must remember that grieving is a process and that it takes time for healing to take place. Second, we ought to continue to make regular visits to the grieving during their season of sorrow. It is easy to forget about them and their continued needs after the first few months, just as church members and relatives often do. But we must watch for their souls during the whole period and stay with them through the entire process. In these visits we ought to continue to listen to them, to bring the Word of God to bear upon their needs, and to talk with them openly of their loss, sharing our own memories and stories of their departed one with them. Third, we ought to give the grieving things to read. There are many excellent resources from which they may gain additional comfort and strength. A few examples are "God is Our Refuge and Strength" (South Holland PRC Evangelism booklet); "Our Only Comfort" (Southeast PRC Evangelism booklet); "Is There an Answer," "Christians Grieve Too," "Behind a Frowning Providence" (Banner of Truth booklets); Comfort for Christians, by A. Pink (Baker); Trusting God, by J. Bridges (Nav Press); Yet Will I Trust Him, by P. Rankin (Regal); Grief for a Season, by M. Tengbom (Bethany); In the Shadow of Death, by A. Kuyper (Eerdmans, 1929). Fourth, we ought to ensure that the church family continues to offer help to the grieving. That would include practical help such as meals, house-cleaning shopping, etc. But also, that the sorrowing are included in Sunday night visits, church outings, Bible studies, etc. This is especially important for the widows, who feel keenly their loneliness and helplessness. In some churches there is an organization of women who can see to this (e.g., "Helping Hands"); in other cases the deacons may take care of this.

Finally, and by way of summary, allow me to reproduce for you the "Ten Commandments for Comforters," provided by Warren and David Wiersbe in their book Comforting the Bereaved:

1. Go to those who are bereaved as soon as possible, even if it is inconvenient for you.

2. Be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to react to words and feelings that mayappear "un-Christian."

3. Do not try to explain everything.

4. Share the promises of God.

5. Avoid saying, "I know just how you feel." Nobody will believe you, and the statement accomplishes nothing.

6. Words often fail, so express yourself through a loving hug, a handshake, even a simple touch. Just being there is a ministry.

7. Do not be afraid to "weep with those who weep.'

8. Remember that grieving is a difficult process that takes time. Be patient with those who mourn and try not to say, "Aren't you over it yet?'

9. Visit regularly during the weeks after the funeral.

10. Keep confidence. Don't turn the experience into a sermon illustration, unless the family gives you permission (p. 44).

October 1, 1993 / The Standard Bearer /

Rev. Terpstra is pastor of the First Protestant Reformed Church of Holland, MI

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God's Work In Our Grief

Rev. Wayne Bekkering

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Grief is the keen suffering that one goes through because of an affliction or loss. It can be looked at as God's way of healing a broken heart.

Grief is universal and natural. Sooner or later everyone has a time of grief in his life. We want to explore the pattern in grief, our dealing with grief as Christians, and God's work in our grief.

Most people who are hurting, no matter what the cause, go through a similar grieving pattern. On the other hand, each person's loss and style of coping is unique.

Grief is usually thought of only in terms of a loss through the death of a loved one. However, any significant loss may cast one into grief even if one does not expect it. Some other losses that may be followed by grief can be mentioned. When one finds out that he or one close to him has a terminal illness such as cancer, the process of grief may begin. Serious injury that has long-range effects on one's life can cause grief - for example, if one is badly injured in a car crash, so that disfigurement or paralysis occurs. The loss of one's job, or a forced retirement can cause one to go through grief. Loss of property, such as a house fire, a car theft, or a burglary of one's home can cause grieving. Divorce is another loss experience that usually causes grief.

We do not want to look at these losses and grief apart from God's gracious work in our lives. Affliction is for our benefit, even though it hurts. In our great need, as Christians, we flee to our heavenly Father for help. God commands us in Psalm 50:15, "Call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me."

We are going to look at grief as having three stages (though others have broken the grieving process into six or more steps). And we want to stress from the outset that the stages are indistinct. Not everyone moves through them at the same rate or with the same degree of intensity. Grief is as personal and individual as we are. We also want to stress that there is a pattern in the grieving process, a pattern which, if it is known and recognized, can be helpful and reassuring to the one going through grief. Sometimes those in grief can fear that they are losing their mind or their faith.

The first stage of grief is the initial shock, especially in the case of a sudden loss. Usually the shock, with numbness, lasts for a period of minutes to a day, but sometimes longer. During this time one may say over and over, "Oh, no ... I can't believe it," One ought not to be embarrassed by his inability to function properly during this shock stage, but he ought to see God's provision in this shielding us from the intensity of a painful loss.

We must recognize that grief is a major trauma in our life and in the lives of others. A broken heart is a serious wound. It is equivalent to or greater than a broken leg or major surgery. Grief must not be minimized or ignored, but it must be allowed to take its course in our lives. The child of God recognizes God's work in grief. The psalmist says in Psalm 39:9, "I was silent, I opened not my mouth, because thou didst it." The child of God also expects and finds comfort in his deepest grief. David records one such prayer in Psalm 61:1, 2: "Hear my cry, 0 God; attend unto my prayer .. when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

The second stage of grief may be called the painful, longing stage. It overlaps the first stage, or it can begin days after the death or loss, and reaches its peak between the second and the fourth week. It subsides gradually after that. The manifestations of this stage are intense for about three months, progressively declining over the next six to twelve months.

The most prominent aspect of this stage is the recurrent, wavelike experience of tearful longing for the deceased, associated with thoughts, memories, or mental images of him or her. These waves are often triggered by any reminder of the departed one. Special occasions, such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, and anniversaries frequently provoke such episodes. These wave-like episodes tend to be especially intense and painful at night, when the distractions of the day are removed. In addition to preoccupation with memories and visual images of the deceased, about half of mourning spouses and parents have illusions of seeing or feeling the presence of the departed one.

During this second stage there is the intense struggle to come to grips with the reality of one's situation after the loss, and to be reconciled with God's way. The pain of grief often produces anger - anger against the circumstances and causes of one's loss. Sometimes Christians are angry and disappointed with God. This ought not to be taken as a loss of one's faith or as committing the unpardonable sin.

Job, the man who was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, was brought to grief by God. In Job 2:13b we read, "...that his grief was very great." In Job's great grief he cursed the day that he was born and asked why he had not been born dead (Job 3:1 -11). God patiently and powerfully answered Job in chapters 38-41, where He recounts all His wonderful works. Job's humble and submissive response is recorded in Job 42:1-6.

Another example of a godly man, who in the midst of grief misjudged God's work and way, is found in Genesis 42:36. Jacob had sent ten of his sons to Egypt to buy grain because of the famine in Canaan. They returned with the grain, but without Simeon and with a message that Benjamin must come back to Egypt with them. "And Jacob their father said unto them, Me have ye bereaved of my children: Joseph is not, and Simeon is not, and ye will take Benjamin away: all these things are against me." Jacob was wrong. These things were not against him; but he did not know all the good that God had purposed for him, even through the way that caused his grief.

One more example, from the Bible, of a godly man who was disappointed with God and thus became angry is Jonah, who did not like God's direction to go to Nineveh and cry against it. After a detour, and after being rescued by a big fish, he went to Nineveh and preached as God had commanded him. Much to Jonah's dismay, the people of Nineveh repented because of God's word against them. That displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry. He besought the Lord, "take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live." God challenged Jonah, "Doest thou well to be angry?" Jonah was looking at his life and situation only from his own viewpoint. God used the gourd vine, and Jonah's pity for it, to help Jonah to see God's viewpoint, and God's pity for Nineveh.

God graciously helps His grieving people come to an acceptance of their painful loss. There is help and hope for those who grieve. Even though we sorrow we sorrow not as others who have no hope (I Thess. 4:13).

The third stage is the time of reconciliation and recovery. This usually takes about a year, sometimes shorter, sometimes longer. During this stage there is a gradual regaining of interest in the ordinary activities of one's life. The gloominess of grief's night gives way to the dawning of a new day in which there is again pleasure, joy, and smiles. There will, of course, be occasional bouts of painful longings and memories, but they will gradually fade.

God's work in our grief is powerful. Through the situations that have caused us grief, God teaches us things, about Him and us, that we could not learn in any other way. He tests our faith in Him. He tries our trust that His way is good for us, even in the deep way of death. God puts us before the question, "Do you love me more than these?"

One Christian lady testified that she had learned some very important things through her grief at the loss of her husband. She learned a new appreciation for the resurrection. The resurrection of Christ is the very ground of our faith and hope. Since Christ is risen we have the blessed assurance that we and our believing loved ones will be raised unto life everlasting. Secondly, she gained a new interest in heaven. Heaven, she said, now seems nearer and dearer, because her husband was there. Thirdly, she learned something new of the reality of God's presence in her life. In the time of grief God was there. Now she is without her husband, but not alone.

Finally, a word of caution to us who would help and comfort those who grieve. First of all, recognize that when our friends and family are hurting, we are hurting also. The danger is that we will find things that help us, and then say them to the grieving ones, without first asking ourselves the question, "Will this be a help to them?" The truth is that our hurt is very small compared to those with the loss.

What our grieving ones need is for us to be there with them in their great need. We need to listen. If they want to talk - we listen. If they want to be silent - we listen. Listening is done not only with our ears, but also with our hearts. Our listening will sometimes tell us it is better to say nothing to the grieving one for a while. Being there, to support them may be enough. Our love and concern can be communicated with a handshake or a hug.

We often feel so inadequate to help others in grief that we may come to the conclusion that it may be better if we don't visit them. Sometimes close friends of those in grief stay away for selfish reasons, such as, they are hurting also, they are too embarrassed to meet their friends in great distress, or they don't know what to do or say. Be assured of this, that those in grief need the presence of friends and family for support! Go to them for their sake! Here is where the selfless character of Christian love is shown.

Remember that death is not the only source of grief in our lives, or in the lives of our friends and families. We need to be sensitive to others' losses as well.

Remember to remember those who have suffered loss. We have seen that the grief process usually takes about a year. During this time, words of encouragement help. A phone call or a visit, a card or a letter, will be appreciated. The written word is often best because it can be read and reread. Cards are alright, but a handwritten note is best to express your love and sympathy One man said that when he got cards he only read the name at the bottom, but be read every note or letter. Part of God's work in our grief is to move others to show His love to the grieving.

December 1, 1990 / The Standard Bearer /

Rev. Bekkering is pastor of the Protestant Reformed Church of Pella, Iowa

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Our Only Comfort

Rev. Carl Haak

What is your comfort in life? In death?

Comfort is something that everyone wants to have in life. To have peace of mind, to be relieved from misery, to possess contentment and inner calm -- certainly everyone desires that!

But comfort is something few people possess. For some, comfort is when things go well in life, when I have all that I want, good health and few problems. Others would say that comfort is the ability to brush away the bad, to have a strong will, to take the bitter with the sweet. Still others say that comfort is to escape the realities of life, whether that be done by vacations, pills, or liquor.

Comfort is something we need. Take, for instance, if someone is in the hospital suffering from the pain of cancer. If you were to ask such a person, "What is your comfort?" then he might answer that his friends have overwhelmed him with gifts and visits, or that he has the best doctors money can buy. What would you say to comfort this person:

"Things could always be worse?" "Cheer up, there will be better days ahead"?

Take another example: a funeral home. What words of comfort would you speak there? Some say that comfort is looking at all the good the person did in his life. Others might say that death is natural, and what matters is only that we enjoy life and use it while we have it. And still others, weighed down with sorrow, would frankly admit to you that there is no comfort to be found in this life, no place where men do not weep. What consolation would you give to someone who said that?

In opposition to all worldly ideas of comfort and man's attempts of consoling a person in grief, the Christian, no matter what his life may be, has the only comfort in both life and death. His comfort rests upon the Bible, the Word of God. One could even say that the Bible is God's word of comfort to His people. Isaiah the prophet is commanded to proclaim God's word in Isaiah 40:1 and 2, "Comfort ye, comfort ye my people, saith your God. Speak ye comfortably to Jerusalem, and cry unto her that her warfare is accomplished, that her iniquity is pardoned, for she hath received of the Lord's hand double for all her sins." There the comforting word is that Jerusalem's iniquity is pardoned, her warfare is over, for she has received from God the forgiveness of her sins. Isaiah voices that same soothing word in chapter 52:9, "Break forth into joy, sing together, ye waste places of Jerusalem, for the Lord hath comforted His people, He hath redeemed Jerusalem." There, again, the Scripture identifies comfort with redemption, that is, with the forgiveness of sins by the grace of God. The apostle Paul in II Corinthians 1:3, 4 gives us the same message of comfort, "Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort, who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." There God is identified as the "God of all comfort," that is, all comfort proceeds from Him and is to be found only in fellowship with Him. He is the one able to comfort us in all our tribulation. And the purpose for which God comforts us is that we might be able to comfort them which are in any trouble.

If we were to summarize what the Bible teaches about comfort, we could give the following definition: Comfort is knowing that I am not my own but belong in body and soul to Jesus Christ, Who has purchased me with His blood so that my sins are forgiven and I am given eternal life.

That is comfort! How wonderful! That I, in life or in death, belong to Jesus, or as Romans 14:8 puts it, "For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord; whether we live, therefore, or whether we die, we are the Lord's."

That comfort which proceeds from God consists of two parts. First, Christian comfort is the knowledge that I am not my own. I am neither independent nor self-reliant. Paul writes in I Corinthians 6:19, "What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost that is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?" That means that the child of God does not rely upon himself or any product of man's wisdom for his comfort. This is, of course, contrary to what we would like to think. In pride we can think at times that our own mind or strength will be able to see us through our troubles. But Christian comfort is the confession, "I am not my own." For you see, if I were my own, then I would be personally responsible for an enormous debt of sin which I could never wipe out but only increase daily.

Secondly, true comfort is the knowledge that I do belong to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ. This is true because Jesus purchased me with His blood shed on Calvary where He redeemed me from my sins and made me His possession. I Peter 1:18, 19 says this so beautifully: "Ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation; but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot." Because Jesus by grace purchased me with His blood upon the cross, I belong to Him.

What does it mean to belong to Jesus?

Belonging to Christ means that I am united inseparably to Him by faith. It means that I am His property, that He owns me and is also accountable for me, both body and soul, in life and in death, in time and eternity. It implies that He is responsible for every part of me, and He must keep me and lead me to the eternal glory of His kingdom. More, it means that He rules me by His Spirit and grace, and as my Lord He gives me all that I need for body and soul. I may, therefore, rely upon Him, casting all my cares upon Him, knowing that He cares for me (I Pet. 5:7). Belonging to Jesus means that I may say with the inspired Paul in Galatians 2:20, "I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." All things are now controlled by Christ Who is at God's right hand, and all the events of my life are used by Christ for my good and spiritual profit. All the problems and pains of this present life cannot crush me or sever the blessed union that Christ by grace has established with me. It was in the full consciousness of belonging to Jesus Christ that caused Paul to utter the beautiful words in Romans 8, "Who will separate us from the love of Christ? For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Jesus Christ our Lord."

Notice two things in conclusion. First of all, this is an exclusive comfort. There is nothing else in the whole world that can comfort you. It is not the highest comfort, or the best comfort, or the chief comfort. But it is the only comfort. Comfort is not that I belong to Jesus and that I am healthy, wealthy, or strong. Comfort is not that I belong to Jesus and have a good insurance policy. To have anything along side this exclusive comfort is to forfeit this comfort. The only comfort is to belong completely to Jesus in life and in death.

In the second place, this is also an all-sufficient comfort. It is sufficient for every circumstance of life and for all the horrors of death. No matter what evil may enter my life, belonging to Jesus means that He comforts me and sends it for my profit. Comfort is knowing that I am never out of the hands of Jesus and that all things serve, in one way or another, my good. No, we don't always know how that is, nor can we always explain how the evil is for our good. Comfort is to believe it! When evil things befall us, comfort is knowing that God sent it for our good, and, in Christ, also gives us grace to bear it in thanksgiving. This is what the Holy Spirit means in Romans 8:28. "For we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose."

Is your only comfort found in this, that you belong not to yourself but to the faithful Savior Jesus Christ? Then sincerely live unto Him in thanksgiving all the days of your life!

Rev. Haak is pastor of Bethel Protestant Reformed Church in Itasca, IL

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From the Heidelberg Catechism Lord's Day 1 

Question 1: What is thy only comfort in life and death?

Answer: That I with body and soul, both in life and death, am not my own, but belong unto my faithful Savior Jesus Christ; who, with His precious blood, hath fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that without the will of my heavenly Father, not a hair can fall from my head; yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, and therefore, by is Holy Spirit, He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me sincerely willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto Him.

Question 2: How many things are necessary for thee to know, that thou, enjoying this comfort, mayest live and die happily?

Answer: Three; the first, how great my sins and miseries are; the second, how I may be delivered from all my sins and miseries; the third, how I shall express my gratitude to God for such deliverance.

1 Cor. 6:19-20 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

Rom. 14:7-9 For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself. For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's. For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that He might be Lord both of the dead and living.

1 Cor. 3:23 And ye are Christ's; and Christ is God's.

1 Pet. 1:18-19 Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers; but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot.

John 1:7 The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through Him might believe.

John 3:8 He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil.

Heb. 2:14-15 For as much then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, He also Himself likewise took part of the same; that through death He might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil; and deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.

John 6:39 And this is the Father's will which hath sent Me, that of all which He hath given Me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up again at the last day.

John 10:28-29 And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of My hand. My Father, which gave them Me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of My Father's hand.

Luke 21:18 But there shall not an hair of your head perish.

Matt. 10:30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

Rom. 8:28, And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.

2 Cor. 1:22 Who hath also sealed us, and given the earnest of the Spirit in our hearts.

2 Cor. 5:5 Now He that hath wrought us for the selfsame thing is God, who also hath given unto us the earnest of the Spirit.

Rom. 8:14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God

Rom. 7:22 For I delight in the law of God after the inward man.

Luke 24:47 And that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in His Name among all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.

1 Cor. 6:10-11 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.

John 9:41 Jesus said unto them, If ye were blind, ye should have no sin: but now ye say, We see; therefore your sin remaineth.

Rom. 3:10, 19 As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one; Now we know that what things soever the law saith, it saith to them who are under the law: that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God.

John 17:3 And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.

Eph. 5:8-10 For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light: (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;) proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.

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