The Word of God in Proverbs 22:6 speaks to us of the duties of parents. There we read: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
Perhaps you disagree with that Word of God. Perhaps you would take exception to it. Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it? Experience and examples from the Word of God show that that is not always the case, do they not? There are those who have received the godly rearing and grew up to renounce it and to depart, even to throw it back in scorn in the face of their parents and to make plain that they want nothing to do with their Christian upbringing. There are examples in the Bible of children who received a godly upbringing (Esau and Absalom) and who rejected that instruction. It simply is not true, perhaps you would say, that all those who are raised in the way they should go remain faithful to it in their adult years.
This Word of God in Proverbs 22:6 is absolutely true. It not only bores down to the very heart of our calling as Christian parents before God, but it gives to us encouragement, much needed encouragement in a very difficult calling, a calling in which we see our weakness.
First of all, this verse speaks of a true, covenant child. The training of a believing home blessed by the Holy Spirit to the heart of that covenant child is used of God actually to place that child on the way of eternal life. But more. The truth of the verse is this: the molding influence of a Christian home fixes the child for time and eternity. God has made parents a mighty power and influence over the child. And the influence of a believing rearing cannot be outlived. That influence must testify to a child to save-or to leave that child without excuse. If a child rejects this biblical training he cannot run so far as to escape its voice. This is the truth. The godly nurture of believing parents leaves a permanent and inescapable mark on a child.
Do you hear that Word of God?
God has made believing parents instruments to mold His children in godliness and to mold them for time and eternity. This is an ordinance of God. What an awesome thing it is to be made a parent! And what an awesome thing it is to receive a Christian upbringing. The molding of a parent is undeniable. For good or evil, whether I am conscious of the fact that I am molding my child or not, it is there. You do not wake up one day as a parent and say, "Well, my child is five years old and I want to start to mold him today." Oh, no! You have been doing that from day one. This is a truth which drives a believing parent to his knees, begging God for grace. And it is a wonder. God is pleased to use parents to do something which cannot be undone. We know this.
Perhaps many of us who are hearing this broadcast are well acquainted with this Word of God. It is very familiar, and we quote it to each other often. But do we regard it? Do we live as we ought before its solemn truth? Do we do that personally as parents? Are we not, often, quick-sighted as eagles concerning the defects of other families and blind as bats to the defects of our own home?
We must bring this Word of God to ourselves. And we must fortify ourselves in its promise. For this Word of God applies to all. It applies to all because few can say that they do not, in some way, influence the training of a child. Your very presence leaves an impression upon a child. This is God's Word to you as a parent. And this is God's Word to all of us as believing people. We must be conscious of the fact that we are molding and preparing our children. The years will fly by very quickly. Soon, one day, the child must leave your home, and soon you, and all parents, must stand before God in the last day. And in that day God will not ask: Did you know what your duty was? Not, Did you know what the latest philosophy of child-rearing said? But this is the word that He will ask: Did you, in loving faithfulness and dependence upon Me, train your child in the way that he should go?
We have a commandment here: Train up a child in the way that he should go. Now, God is speaking of a child. The word "child" here is a general term covering an infant, as well as all stages of development until adulthood. The child is entrusted to the parent. And that child is a miracle of God's hand. A child is a wonder of His grace. We read in Ecclesiastes 11:4 that our children are not simply the product of biology, but they are made by the fingers of God and given a never-ending soul. God forms the bones of the child within the womb of its mother. And we read that when God creates a child within us, He has created a soul. A child can never cease to exist. A soul comes forth which must exist either in heavenly glory or in eternal woe. The soul that is brought into existence cannot be crushed out of existence.
And that child is impressionable. The child is created to be moldable, soft to impressions, especially to first impressions. The child is made by God to respond to the influence of the parent as clay responds to the hand of a potter. That comes out in Proverbs 22:6 when we read, "Train up a child (literally) at the mouth of his way, at the spring or opening of his way." A figure is being drawn. A river can be directed if you get at that river at its source. But once the river has begun in its stream and current, it is almost impossible to change its direction then. A tree can be formed if you get at the tree in its first springing life. But not if you wait until it stands as a mature oak. Train a child at the first opening of his way, the first opening of his intelligence. The earlier the training begins, the more effective will be your work. What is early learned, what is first learned, is most tenaciously retained. Do not wait until you think that your child can understand you. You can begin too late, but you can scarcely begin too soon. The enemy is ceaseless in his activity. The devil and the world arise early in the morning. They are after the child at the first crack of dawn. So the believing child of God as a parent must also, at the dawn of his child's life, train his child. Be at the mouth, at the spring of their way. That is what God is saying.
I have heard it said that you should not require anything of a child which he cannot understand, and that you should give the child a reason for everything you desire him to do. I warn you against that. I solemnly and plainly tell you that that is unsound and unbiblical. Yes, it is foolish to make everything a mystery to your child. There are many things you must explain to him and show to him the wisdom of why you require him to do it. But to bring him up with the idea that he must take nothing on trust, that before he can consent he must have from you the whys and the wherefores is a fearful mistake that you make. Your child is a child. The child understands as a child. He must be brought up to believe and to do what you say because you as his parents say so. Train up your child at the spring of his life.
The word "train" comes from the verb "to narrow," or "to choke." Narrow-down the child; that is, be specific. Love is specific. And a godly training is specific. A godly training does not simply inform a child of the various options, making the way as broad as possible. Godly training does not simply inform the child that any way he might fancy is suitable. That is not love. That is absolute cruelty and pride. No, the Scriptures tell us that we must stand before our child and point to him in the love of God the way that he must go. Before us and before our child is the broad way, said Jesus. And there are many who go therein to destruction. But, it is the light of the Word of God that points out the good way, the way of Jesus Christ. Narrow down the child to that way. Good instruction is not vague generalities. It gets to the heart of issues and, in the love of God, lays those issues before the child.
What is that good way they must go? In one word, the good way is the will of God revealed in the wonderful Scriptures. It is the will of God in the Scriptures which make plain for them how they must live toward God and toward man and what purpose their life must serve. The good way is the Word of God which makes plain to the child who made him and what he is to do in response to this great and glorious God in every area of his life. Train the child patiently, lovingly, persistently so that in every area of life the child learns the will of his God written on the pages of Scripture and seeks to glorify God in what he does.
That is the duty. Train up the child. Train him in such a way that he is equipped to take up his God-given place, to be a Christian father, to be a loving mother, to be a member of the church of Jesus Christ, to be a Christian in this world. That is what Abraham did. In Genesis 18:19 God speaks of His confidence in Abraham, that Abraham will command his children after him, that they will walk in the way of God. Teach your child the right view of God from the Scriptures, the right view of authority and respect, the right view of law.
Then there are people who say to me as a parent, "Well, I'm just a housewife; I'm just a computer programmer; I'm just a painter; I'm just a carpenter; I'm just an accountant." Oh, may God open your eyes, parent. You are training the members of the kingdom of Jesus Christ. You are preparing soldiers for His army, perhaps shepherds for His sheep, servants of the King of kings to serve Him now and eternally. And every day that passes brings that child closer to the moment when he must be prepared to leave your home and to stand on his own in Christ's kingdom. Are you making him ready? Neglect this work and no one can make up the slack. Oh, yes. God is gracious. He gives us pastors and fellow saints. But, all other things being equal, no one can make up the slack if parents neglect their duty.
This means that God uses us as parents. Now I know that God is sovereign and that all of our works avail nothing unless He puts His hand to it. But this Word of God presses upon us the urgent and the astounding responsibility of a parent. Train your child in the will of God.
That training, you understand, must be very practical. You should read the book of Proverbs. You should read it from the point of view of a parent. The book of Proverbs is written by a parent for his son and daughter. He speaks to them in very practical and blunt language about work, about sloth, about sex, about industry, about friendship. You cannot find a better manual for a parent than the book of Proverbs.
We train a child, first of all, then, by our consistent example before the child. It is not enough simply to tell a child. You must show the child the way that he must walk. You must live that out before them.
Another characteristic of a child as God has made him is that he mimics. He emulates. He becomes what he sees. In Ephesians 5:1, 2 that is applied to us as children of our heavenly Father. We read: "Be followers, be mimics. Imitate your heavenly Father." We are to imitate our Father who is in heaven. We must be like Him. Your child learns more by the eye than by the ear. What he sees in you holds a much stronger effect than what you tell him. You sin before your child, and you sin double if your life is inconsistent with your words to the child. You must strive to be a living epistle of Christ such that your children can read. Far before they learn to read, they ought to learn to read the will of God in your life. Be an example to your child of reverence for the Word of God. Be an example to your child in prayer. Be an example to your child in your conduct on the Lord's day, on Sunday. Do not expect your child to go to Sunday School, do not expect your child to go to church, if you are off on the golf course. Be an example to him. Be an example in your temper, that you restrain your temper and you confess your sinful temper. If you expect your child to be humbled under your admonition when he has a temper, you must walk before him controlling your temper. Be an example in diligence, in love, in patience. Your child will practice what he sees you do.
Many of your words he may not understand yet. But he will understand your life. Do not simply say to your child: "Go, do this; be this way." But say to the child: "Come, walk as I do. You see in me? You see the joy of salvation in me? You see the willing, loving service of God in me? Live as I live."
If you are evil with your wife; if you bark at your wife like a dog, and you are edgy and touchy and irritable and you do not repent of that before your children; if you are yelling at your wife and the phone rings and when you answer the phone you can be Mr. Nice, changed as if a button has been pushed, nice to the stranger, but when your wife asks you a question you bite her head off, then you are teaching your children that God's Word has no binding authority. All of your words about respect and kindness you may just as well keep in your mouth.
Wives, when you talk back to and will not honor your husband, and you sulk and will not show the reverence that God has called you to show, do not be surprised when your child becomes indifferent to the Word of God. Let us not preach to our children what we do not intend to practice. Let us not think that a child will walk on a path that we are not walking ourselves.
We must train our children also in a climate of openness, spiritual openness. We must be diligent, as parents, to live out our faith. This is the lifelong lesson of our earthly life, is it not? We must walk consciously with our God and we must encourage in our children from their earliest days a freedom, an openness, to speak of spiritual things and of the Word of God. I have seen homes where I am afraid that the only discussion of spiritual things happened at family visitation, and then it was like pulling teeth. They could talk about TV, sports, and work. But they were very uncomfortable to talk about their souls and to talk about their soul's concerns with their children, their spiritual struggles and the lessons that they were learning from the reading of the Word of God. Cultivate your speaking with your children of spiritual things. Train your child.
One of God's most merciful arrangements is that God has made children like clay to receive an impression. Let them receive from us the impression of a warmth in spiritual matters, of an openness, a joy, a delight in spiritual things. Call upon God to give you strength. But do not neglect this. Do not neglect this in the earliest days of your child's life. Do not neglect to do this throughout all the days that your child is in your house. For once you, parent, have let it slip, it is gone forever.
We will return to this passage next time. Let us now bow our heads in prayer.
Our Father, how awesome are Thy ordinances of being a parent and being a child. We have no grace and strength of ourselves. We need, O Lord, Thy Spirit and Word to be in us. We pray that we may be as the heavenly Father and that we may train our children in the way that they are to go. In Jesus' name, Amen.
November 9, 1997; No. 2862
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There is no more awesome duty than that of a parent. For a Christian parent has the calling to train up his child in the way that he should go, so that when the child is old he will not depart from it. That is what we read in Proverbs 22:6.
We began last week to look into the duty of a parent, and we saw that that duty was indeed a tremendous one. We were to stand at the very spring or mouth of a child's way, at the very beginning of his life. And we were to mold him consciously after the will of God as we find that will in the holy Scriptures.
We were to do that in a living way, not coldly. But we were to do that in such a way that we would be an example to our children: an example of the Christian faith living before their very eyes so that we could say to our child, "Don't only do what I say, but do what I do." And we saw that that meant that we would live with our children in a climate of spiritual openness, we would encourage our children to speak about spiritual things, and spiritual things would be comfortable with us. We would cultivate, through prayer and through a personal reading of God's Word, a spiritual life in which we were open with our children, encouraging them to be open with us, explaining to them the wonderful truths of God's Word.
Now today, I want to draw attention to the fact that our duty is to train our children in the way that they should go; that is, that we must train our children in a very distinct manner. We read in Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." We are not to train him in the way that he would go.
Another crucial truth about a child is that a child is not born neutral. A child is born dead in sin. A child is not born with a clean slate, simply to receive the first impressions upon it. And a child is not born neutral, that is, not predisposed to good or evil but simply dependent upon who will influence the child first. But, by nature, a child is born dead in sin.
Further, the Scriptures teach us that a believing child, according to God's grace, is regenerated in his childhood. Therefore, that child must struggle with his sinful flesh which wants to go in a sinful way. You cannot tell what your infant will be when he grows up. You cannot tell if he is going to be tall, short, weak, or strong. But there is one thing you can know with certainty about your child: your child will have a corrupt nature and a foolish heart. And it is natural for us to go the wrong way, our own sinful way. Proverbs 22:15, "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child." Proverbs 19:15, "A child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."
There are two ways: the way that we should go, the pathway to heaven, the pathway of obedience; and the way that we would go, the pathway to hell, the pathway of disobedience. We read in Isaiah 53:6, "All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way." The way that we would go is the way of our own self-will. And the distinctive Christian training that we are to give to our children is this: train up a child in the way that he should go, the path of obedience, the path of blessedness. Train up a child not so that he does whatever he wants to do, but that he wants to do what he ought to do, that he learns that happiness is serving God, that liberty is to do God's will and not his own.
Then, you must act and your must judge and you must think for your child. You do not leave him to the guidance of his own will or mind. As you would act for someone who is blind or someone who is lame; so you must act for your children. It is not the wish and the likings of a child which are to become the basis of determining what will be in your house. That must not be the basis of determining when they will sleep, when they will eat, or how they will be clothed. You must train them by thinking for them. You must train them in what is called the biblical and right way, not in the way that they fancy. When they sin, when they do wrong, you must punish them for that with consistent, wise, loving discipline. You must beware of overindulgence. You must not make an idol of your child, afraid ever to displease him.
I am not talking here about an evil, cruel tyranny, about an abuse of a child. But I am speaking to you from God's Word of the importance of not allowing a child to go his own way. A child needs reproof, correction, and instruction. Do not withhold that from your child. "Withhold not correction from a child" (Prov. 23:13). If you disagree with what I am saying, your problem is not with me. Your problem is with God's Word. Your problem is with God. Your problem is with the Creator of human life. You are wiser than God. And, you are foolish. For the Word of God teaches that the loving care of a parent who brings up his child in God's way, in the way of obedience and love before God, is what a child wants and what a child will bless.
I have seen the danger of sinful patterns of discipline. I have seen the terrible danger of abusive discipline. The abuse of daughters, so that these daughters now make bad marriages simply to get out of the house. Of sons who are unable to deal with a wife and unable to deal in a way of understanding with their wives because of what they have learned from their father who never taught them to be understanding with their wives because he was not understanding to his wife. I have seen that.
But I have also seen the danger of over-indulgence, of giving in to every wish and caprice of a child. God warns us not to do that. We read of this even in the life of David. We read of that in respect to David's rearing of Adonijah. Adonijah was the son who, when Solomon was crowned king, in his ambition tried to become king. We read this about Adonijah and his father, David, in I Kings 1:6: "his father had not displeased him at any time in saying, Why hast thou done so?"
The way that they should go. What is that way? That way is the knowledge of the Bible and prayer. You cannot make your child love the Bible. The Holy Spirit must do that. But you can make them well-acquainted with that blessed book and do so very early. See to it that your child, when he is able to read, reads the Bible regularly. That he regards it as his soul's daily food, a thing which is essential. That as he wants to eat physical food every day, so he must also want to read the spiritual food of God's Word. See that he reads the Bible reverently. Train him to look upon it as the book of God, not the word of man but God's Word. Have him read that word in its entirety. Do not hesitate to bring any doctrine of the Word of God before your child. Tell him about it. Tell him of sin, of the Fall of Adam, of the terrible consequences of that Fall even in our own lives. Tell him about Jesus and of the cross and of the love of God and of the work of the Holy Spirit and the power of God's grace and of the call to repent and to believe in the Savior.
Train him in the habit of prayer. Show him how to begin his prayers. Tell him what he is to say. Explain to him that he is coming into the glorious courts of God, the high sanctuary of God. Remind him that he must not be careless in his words. Tell him that the Lord hears and that the Lord will answer. Train him in prayer.
There is many a gray-headed saint who forgot what sermons the minister preached. But he remembers his mother who taught him to pray in his childhood.
There is more. You must train your child with affection and the love of God. That needs to be stressed today. Not only because of the shameful and sinful abuse that we hear that is being committed upon children, but because of the society which preaches "Me first. Career first. My own life first. My own time, as a parent, first." A selfish age which more and more wants to push children into their own corner and is not willing to give of itself for the child. An age which is concerned more with its own feelings than the life of its own children.
Love, the sacrificial love of God, must be the thread that runs through all of your parenting. Let your children know that you love them in the love of God. An unloving sternness, an irritant temper, an undue severity, expecting too much of your child, chills your child toward you. Such an attitude towards your child is going to shut the heart of your child to you and you will grow weary trying to find the door to that heart.
Children are tender. They need considerate care. Let them know that you would give your heart's blood for them and that you care for their souls. Train them with their soul as your chief consideration. Train your children for eternity, not simply for time. Tell them that they were not born simply for this world but for the kingdom of God. Every step you take with your child, every decision you reach, every motive you have before your child you must always be concerned about the effect that your decision is going to have for the soul of your child.
If you pamper your children in such a way that they think that this world is all that there is to look forward to, that the only thing important in life is how much money you make and the car you drive, you are being cruel to your child. Concentrate upon their soul. Spiritual meekness and grace of the soul in your child must be your goal. Not simply fashion, jewelry, and dresses. You must aim after godliness in your child, not simply that they have attainments in scholarship. You must want your child to be like Christ, not simply successful in business. You must desire your child to be sound in the Christian faith, not simply that he has a good social position and that he has a job where he makes big bucks. You must not provide an education without God, but you must provide an education for your child which is unto God.
Consider yourself now as a parent of a grown child. What are you going to tell your son when your son is married and perhaps his first baby dies? What are you going to tell your son when, in business for himself one day, the world wants to elbow him out because of his Christian confession and they want him to compromise? You must always be concerned with the spiritual strength of your child. You must be telling your daughters right now, when they are little, what they must do when boys show that they are interested in them only for what they can get, and that popularity will be tied to promiscuity. You must train them to be spiritually strong unto Christ.
And the promise? "When they are old they will not depart from it."
That is a wonderful encouragement, is it not? God says that even though we see ourselves as the weakest of all means, and we are ashamed of our sins before our children, nevertheless, God is pleased to use our instruction for the greatest of good. We have a very plain promise. The promises of God were the only lamp of hope for the Old Testament saints. Abraham, Noah, and Enoch all lived on God's promises and overcame, by faith in those promises. It is God who promises. Does He say a thing and not make it good? Is there something too hard for Him? You may have comfort. The training of a believing parent must bear fruit. We pray that it bear fruit for their salvation. Or, as God wills, to leave them without excuse. Whether by grace a child walks the way of God, or in pride he rejects it, no child can wipe away the testimony of a God-fearing parent. I know that that is true. Should I go astray from the Christian faith, I would not be able to stand in the judgment before the eye of my father. I could never look him in the face.
A godly parent leaves an indelible mark on the child. Sometimes the fruit takes many years. Sometimes that fruit is only seen afterwards. And sometimes a parent does not even see it in his life time. The great father in the church, Augustine, called himself the son of tears. If you know the history of Augustine, who lived around the year A.D. 400, you know that Augustine was raised by a Christian mother. Augustine was a man of uncommon abilities who fell into false theology, false religion, and false philosophy, and was very proud of his own understanding. And he lived an ungodly life. But in all of that he never succeeded in silencing the voice of his mother. And he was brought to conversion. Instrumental in his conversion were the tears and words of his mother.
A child may depart in his youth. The prodigal son did that. But no child, reared in the way that he should go, can smother his childhood. Woe to you, as a young person, if you attempt to silence what you have been taught in your childhood. It must force itself back on your memory. It will disturb your pleasures in sin. It will spoil the sweetness of sin that you fancied you would have.
That training stays with us and becomes the foundation of our life. I would not trade the world for a Christian upbringing.
Fathers and mothers, train your child in the way that he is to go. Be much in prayer over him. Without God's blessing, you labor in vain. We may sow the Word of God but we cannot bring forth. God must do that. But go to God and tell Him that you cannot, that you need Him every moment. Tell Him that you are bound to do everything wrong unless He stands with you.
And then bring your children to God in prayer. That is very important for you as a parent. Bring your child to God in prayer. God loves being entreated for His children. Oh, how He loves His children. And He is far more willing to bless His children than we even believe. I suspect that a child who is carried in the arms of prayer is seldom cast away. Arise from your knees in the hope and in the joy and in the confidence that God will accomplish His will and good pleasure. Train your child for this life and for the life which is to come. And, in prayer, bring him to God.
May God bless you in your duty.
Let us pray.
Our Father who art in heaven, we thank Thee for Thy word, and we pray that it may enter now into our hearts. In Jesus' name, Amen.
November 16, 1997; No. 2863
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